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Just for fun

Ben and Ness tapped languidly away at their keyboards, putting the finishing touches on yet another stunning, creative design project that was nearing completion on time and on budget. Ben yawned and cracked his knuckles, the sound of which instantly elicited a disapproving look from Ness that he pretended not to notice. Just another day at Spicy HQ.

Or, so it seemed…

Suddenly, Ben and Ness were jolted out of their afternoon torpor by the jarring sound and blinding flash of the Digital CTA alarm! Somewhere in the City, a Crime Against Creativity was taking place.

In a blur of furious activity, Ben and Ness whipped out their garish lycra suits, attached their capes, donned eye-masks and popped their undies on the outside as they transformed from mild-mannered designers to… Pixel Man and Graphic Girl! The utter mortification caused by their ludicrous getups was perfectly offset by the fact that in these ingenious disguises, not even their own mothers could possibly recognise them.

With no time to lose, The Digital Duo jumped into the UI Mobile and zoomed off furiously in the direction of the alert, screeching to a halt moments later in front of an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of South Melbourne. Cautiously entering the dark, forbidding building, they were greeted with a sight that sent chills up their spines: through the gloom came the dull blue glow of a computer screen that was just bright enough to illuminate the visage of their arch-nemesis, Dr Spam!

“Step away from that keyboard, Dr Spam, the game is up!” boomed Pixel Man

“Ah, if it isn’t the Dreary Duo! I should have known you would turn up, but there’s nothing you can do to stop me! I’ve developed an algorithm that will ensure that every website in the world is so utterly drab and clunky, the internet will be thrown back to the 1980s!”

“Don’t do it, Dr Spam” yelled Graphic Girl urgently, “You’ve lost your mind!”

“On the contrary, my dear,” he smirked smugly, “When I hit enter, it will trigger a chain reaction that will infect every website on the net, with boring stock images, confusing navigation, useless visitor counters and annoying pop-ups”.

The Digital Duo gasped in disbelief. “Why, Dr Spam? Why are you doing this to the world?” pleaded Pixel Man.

“You have yourselves to blame! For years, I’ve been suffering in silence, watching helplessly as Jalapeno Creative churned out project after project with irresistibly elegant design! Beautiful, conversion optimised, lightning fast websites that are both aesthetically mesmerising and primed to deliver commercial results. I’ve seethed at your perfectly placed CTAs, engaging web copy and seamlessly designed navigation structures that deliver a smooth, intuitive user experience on any device imaginable. I’ve watched helplessly as they’ve made the complex deceptively simple, guiding visitors on an effortless journey through even the most complicated digital propositions. I’ve seethed as client after client achieved stellar search engine rankings for high-value keywords, and stratospheric PPC click-through rates that sent droves of the most relevant, conversion-ready traffic to their websites!”. His finger hovered over the enter key, and his face reddened as he worked himself up to an apoplectic frenzy.

“I’ve dedicated years of my life to ensuring that the web is as slow, boring, unattractive and inefficient as it could be, and now the time has finally arrived!” He spat with a bitter, vindictive sneer.

“You can’t do this, you madman!” shrieked Graphic Girl. “It’ll set the entire web back decades!”

“Oh, yeah?” He grinned a sly, evil grin: “Best of all, my ingenious algorithm will convert the font of every website on the planet to… Comic Sans!

“NOOOOOOOOOO!!!” Yelled Pixel Man desperately, as he swung into action and leapt towards the evil mastermind, with Graphic Girl following hard on his heels.

THWOK!

KABLAMPH!

KERSHPLING!

Within moments, Dr Spam lay bound on the ground, the two scintillating superheroes standing over him, triumphant. Just at that moment, the door burst open and the gruff, dishevelled form of Police Chief Parallax rushed into the warehouse.

“Great job, you two! You’ve saved the day yet again”, his gruff voice sounded like footsteps over gravel, and the half-chewed cigar bobbled up and down as he spoke. He grabbed the now forlorn figure of Dr Spam and led him away to the waiting police van.

“Curses!” yelled Dr Spam. “I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for that meddling Digital Duo!”

A few hours later, Ben and Ness sat nursing steaming coffees as they recuperated from the morning’s excitement.

“What do you think will happen to Dr Spam?” wondered Ness aloud.

“Dunno,” answered Ben, suddenly realising that his undies were still on outside his pants and desperately trying to figure out a plan to remedy the situation without looking like a completed dill. “One thing’s for sure, though,” he quipped, “this new website we’re about to push live will be safe from his evil plans”.

As he sat back comfortable and satisfied in his chair, the phone rang. He picked it up and put it to his ear.

“Good afternoon and welcome to Jalapeno Creative. How can we make your digital presence shine today?”

 

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